Someone, hire me!
I don't know what is more troubling; Mel Gibson (The Passion Of The Christ) turning the Pope's life (and death, I assume) into a film, or Micheal Bay (Pearl Harbor) turning the classic cult cartoon The Transformers into a film. Both of 'em are doomed from the get-go.
So here's what I propose to make this work. Plan A would bo to combine the two; plan B would be to keep the films seperate, but to switch directors.
Plan A
We follow the Pope during the final years of his life. He is troubled by illness and all that is wrong with the world today. As the Grim Reaper closes in on him, and gently but decidedly moves his sickel closer and closer to the Pope's neck, we learn, through a series of flashbacks, of the Pope's past, when he was merely John Paul. Through these flashbacks, we, the viewers, eventually learn how John Paul, while roaming the streets of 1950's krakow, found out that he is, in fact, a transformer; capable of transforming into a talking automobile called Optimus Pope, and back. A great portion of the film is a socalled 'Road Trip', in which we see the John Paul driving himself, in the most literal sense of the word, to Rome in order to become the Pope.
Plan B
Gibson's The Transformers: The movie tells us, via a soothing voice-over by Optimus Prime, just how difficult it is to grow up as a shifting hump of metal. We see a young Ope getting bullied by the normal kids; cruelties such as fridge magnets with 'kick me' put on his back, and being left in the rain to rust, abound during his troubled childhood. We follow him through life, witness how he is discriminated for his metalness; all he wants is to be accepted; all he desires is love; all he needs is an oil-change. Oh, and he gets a completely unnecessary and bloody (or oily) flogging halfway through the movie.
Bay's The pope: A $200 million, special effects heavy, explosion riddled succes story of how the Pope battles his way through abortion clinics and past angry hordes of gay people, white cape flapping in the wind, the Popemobile souped up to do 200 miles an hour, trying to save the world. The Pope travels across the globe (yes, the popemobile flies, too), in order to rid it of the evilest of evil secret organisations, an organisation sucking the world dry of all its tenderness and sensitivity; an organisation holding the entire world in its wicked, rubbery grasp; an organisation known only as .. Durex!
I'd pay to see all three these films, dammit.
Cheers
So here's what I propose to make this work. Plan A would bo to combine the two; plan B would be to keep the films seperate, but to switch directors.
We follow the Pope during the final years of his life. He is troubled by illness and all that is wrong with the world today. As the Grim Reaper closes in on him, and gently but decidedly moves his sickel closer and closer to the Pope's neck, we learn, through a series of flashbacks, of the Pope's past, when he was merely John Paul. Through these flashbacks, we, the viewers, eventually learn how John Paul, while roaming the streets of 1950's krakow, found out that he is, in fact, a transformer; capable of transforming into a talking automobile called Optimus Pope, and back. A great portion of the film is a socalled 'Road Trip', in which we see the John Paul driving himself, in the most literal sense of the word, to Rome in order to become the Pope.
Gibson's The Transformers: The movie tells us, via a soothing voice-over by Optimus Prime, just how difficult it is to grow up as a shifting hump of metal. We see a young Ope getting bullied by the normal kids; cruelties such as fridge magnets with 'kick me' put on his back, and being left in the rain to rust, abound during his troubled childhood. We follow him through life, witness how he is discriminated for his metalness; all he wants is to be accepted; all he desires is love; all he needs is an oil-change. Oh, and he gets a completely unnecessary and bloody (or oily) flogging halfway through the movie.
Bay's The pope: A $200 million, special effects heavy, explosion riddled succes story of how the Pope battles his way through abortion clinics and past angry hordes of gay people, white cape flapping in the wind, the Popemobile souped up to do 200 miles an hour, trying to save the world. The Pope travels across the globe (yes, the popemobile flies, too), in order to rid it of the evilest of evil secret organisations, an organisation sucking the world dry of all its tenderness and sensitivity; an organisation holding the entire world in its wicked, rubbery grasp; an organisation known only as .. Durex!
I'd pay to see all three these films, dammit.
Cheers
1 Comments:
Or, The Pontificator: Judgement Day II - The Sequel - This Time He Means Business: Part III: There Can Be Only One.
The Pope travels through time doing battle with those who would oppose catholosism, in a Dr Who style Pope Mobile Tardis.
D'you think the title is snappy enough for Hollywood?
:)
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