The shit just hit the fan.

Once this here picture of lovable ogre Shrek and Hollywood teenybopper Hilary Duff hits the mainstream media, trust me, there's going to be nothing but carnage. I'm tellin' ya.

First, Duff's nemesis Lindsay Lohan will see it, get jealous, and she'll immediately call Shrek, wanting to, you know, 'hook up'. Then Mr. Potato Head will catch wind of this, and start rearranging himself in despair. And, of course, princess Fiona will hear about this, prompting her to start banging Donkey, filming it, and putting it online.

All the major American magazines will see it and instantly get into a brutal cover-war, claiming Hilary's pregnant with some kind of deformed Shrek fetus. This will result in the Ogre Pregnancy Protection Group getting angry at the magazines and crying out, "Why can't ogres procreate with whichever Hollywood tart they please?"

MTV will see it and will offer them a reality show in which, after the birth of Shrek Jr., the entire Shrek family drives around America in a big-ass green bus, acting all ogre-like while doing odd jobs, such as milking cows and eating toddlers.

Hilary' sister Haylie will see it and get really pissed because, well, she kind of looks like a cross between her sister and an ogre, and she doesn't think she can cope with the competition. The Ogre Union will hear what Haylie said and get angry and be like, 'Hey now, we don't look that bad. That was uncalled for.'.

And finally, they'll all meet up in a dusty Western town church, tumbleweeds rolling and pigeons flying in slow motion. They'll draw their guns and have a massive Mexican standoff the likes of which has never been seen before, in which they'll kill each other off in a bloody blaze of glory, Bon Jovi-style.

And all because of one 'innocent' picture.

It will happen, I tell you.

Cheers