Pizza hell.
I, like every other human being, like pizza. Hell, I love it. But I cannot stand the entire intricate ordering proces. You see, I have .. odd .. wishes, when it comes to pizza. Apparently, odd enough to make the entire proces of ordering said pizza rather complicated.
For every other person, ordering a pizza is as complex as Gwen Stefani's multi-layered and lyrically superb musical outings (ahem) - it's simply a matter of ringing up the pizza place, and saying "Hello, I'd like #44 delivered at this and this address as soon as possible. If you comply, I'll hand over wads of cash". Click, bzzzzzzzzzz...
Not me.
Nuh uh.
The problem is, I don't like tomato (gasp!). Let me rephrase that: I detest tomato if it comes in any other shape or form than soup. Tomato soup is fine, oddly enough; delicious even. However, centuries ago, some Pizza god (a fat Italian guy remarkably similar to Luciano Pavarotti) ordained that every single variation of the pizza, without exception, must come pre-equipped with it's very own layer of integrated tomato-sauce. Not even to mention the sliced tomato on the top.
Ick.
Add to this the fact that the average person taking the orders at the average pizza joint has the intellectual capacities of bellybutton lint, and you understand that ordering a pizza without a) tomato sauce, and b) sliced tomato on top is extremely tiresome.
That said, once the pizza finally arrives (sans tomato), all is forgiven and forgotten ..
.. until the next time.
Cheers
For every other person, ordering a pizza is as complex as Gwen Stefani's multi-layered and lyrically superb musical outings (ahem) - it's simply a matter of ringing up the pizza place, and saying "Hello, I'd like #44 delivered at this and this address as soon as possible. If you comply, I'll hand over wads of cash". Click, bzzzzzzzzzz...
Not me.
Nuh uh.
The problem is, I don't like tomato (gasp!). Let me rephrase that: I detest tomato if it comes in any other shape or form than soup. Tomato soup is fine, oddly enough; delicious even. However, centuries ago, some Pizza god (a fat Italian guy remarkably similar to Luciano Pavarotti) ordained that every single variation of the pizza, without exception, must come pre-equipped with it's very own layer of integrated tomato-sauce. Not even to mention the sliced tomato on the top.
Ick.
Add to this the fact that the average person taking the orders at the average pizza joint has the intellectual capacities of bellybutton lint, and you understand that ordering a pizza without a) tomato sauce, and b) sliced tomato on top is extremely tiresome.
That said, once the pizza finally arrives (sans tomato), all is forgiven and forgotten ..
.. until the next time.
Cheers
6 Comments:
I don't love pizza. I don't even like pizza. Pizza to me is like tomato to you. But slightly better. At least I don't detest it.
Man, are we weird or what?
We could start a club.
Cheers
Why can't you just tell them you want #44 with white sauce? I do it all the time.
Brynn, you gotta understand. Martin is not that bright, you know? His mom dropped him on his head when he was 5 months old.
Martin, hey what's up buddy?
I always order pizza online. That way I can fuck with the ingredients all I want, and they'll have a printout showing all my oddities.
I'm not sure I understand not liking pizza though - it's just bread with whatever you want on top, held together by cheese*. Unless you have a problem with bread or cheese, where's the issue?
[*My Italian ex-girlfriend is going to cut my head off and stick it in her TV set if she ever reads this.]
A pizza without tomato? I once had one without cheese that was bad enough.
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