Rule of thumb.

I hate clipping my toenails - it's a nasty little chore, which I tend to postpone as long and as often as I can. This can (and in the past has, and in the future will) result in me having rather long and disgusting toenails. Well, ok, just long - I do bathe, you know? Occasionally.

Anyway, long story still far too long: While putting on my socks, yesterday, I slipped, and, get this, I cut my thumb on my toenail. The razor-like toenail of the first toe of my left foot actually cut into the flesh of the thumb of my right hand.

I shit you not, dear readers, and I have proof:


There is no real point to this post, other than informing you of the fact that I have toenails long and sharp enough to cut myself with. That, an sich, is worthy of its own post, right there.

I could dip my toenails in poison and become an infamous kick-ass ninja assassin. Or, I could rent out my feet as kitchen utensils. And if I ever get my arm stuck in a burning car wreck, I won't be needing a Swiss army knife, I can just use my toenails to saw off my own arm. Alternatively, I could clip them (where are the clippers?), make toenail soup out of them, and feed the entire eastern part of Africa.

So many options, so few toenails.

Oh, and ladies, in case you're wondering .. yes, I'm still available!

Well, no, not really, I just wanted to say that. Between my stunning girlfriend and my gorgeous mystery mistress, there's not a hell of a lot of room left for the lot of you.

Tough luck.

Cheers

ps: Where the hell are those clippers, anyway?!