Open letter to my nemesis.
Dear nemesis,
I know we've had our differences, but, considering we live in two oh oh five, and there's enough misery in the world as is, I figured we need to settle our disputes now and forever. I mean, archnemeses are so last year, anyway.
What I'm saying is, I think we should set aside our petty differences, and make amends. And a good place to start would be an apology. I'll be the bigger man here, and start it off. So here it is.
I'm sorry about that one time in the park, when I killed your entire family by boiling them alive with my DeathLaser. I'm sorry it happened in front of your eyes. And I'm sorry it put a damper on your family picknick.
I'm sorry about that one time, when I didn't give you your usual pummeling, but decided to push your face into a barrel of flesh-eating acid, just for kicks. That was uncalled for. You do have a lovely skull, though.
And finally, I'm sorry about that one time when I pinned you down and sawed off both your arms with that rusty Swiss Army knife, and that you had to get robotic limbs fitted. It was unnecessary, and downright cruel. Still got trouble picking stuff up?
So that was that. I hope you can see that I'm making an effort here, and that you'll someday perhaps get over yourself, and return the favour.
Oh, and happy tenth birthday, next week. I hope your foster parents get you that pink bike you wanted. And remember, next time someone offers you a lick of their icecream, don't eat the entire damn thing.
Sincerely,
Martin
I know we've had our differences, but, considering we live in two oh oh five, and there's enough misery in the world as is, I figured we need to settle our disputes now and forever. I mean, archnemeses are so last year, anyway.
What I'm saying is, I think we should set aside our petty differences, and make amends. And a good place to start would be an apology. I'll be the bigger man here, and start it off. So here it is.
I'm sorry about that one time in the park, when I killed your entire family by boiling them alive with my DeathLaser. I'm sorry it happened in front of your eyes. And I'm sorry it put a damper on your family picknick.
I'm sorry about that one time, when I didn't give you your usual pummeling, but decided to push your face into a barrel of flesh-eating acid, just for kicks. That was uncalled for. You do have a lovely skull, though.
And finally, I'm sorry about that one time when I pinned you down and sawed off both your arms with that rusty Swiss Army knife, and that you had to get robotic limbs fitted. It was unnecessary, and downright cruel. Still got trouble picking stuff up?
So that was that. I hope you can see that I'm making an effort here, and that you'll someday perhaps get over yourself, and return the favour.
Oh, and happy tenth birthday, next week. I hope your foster parents get you that pink bike you wanted. And remember, next time someone offers you a lick of their icecream, don't eat the entire damn thing.
Sincerely,
Martin
9 Comments:
That was very big of you. I'm sure it wasn't easy.
:)
Dear Martin.
I had my foster parents read you message aloud to me. Don't worry about killing my family in front of my eyes I've been blind since I was 1 year old so I'm only haunted by the sound of their screams.
The doctors were able to take some skin from around my body to make a face again. I'm almost ten years old, look like Michael Jackson and can't stop touching myself.
I am sorry about the icecream but the joke is on you my friend. I didn't eat your icecream, it was that ugly brown dog that snatched it while you were looking away.
Come to my birthday next week, then we can talk, and I can show you the bruises from the time my foster parents beat me up as a early present. They are so great, my real parents only gave me a puppy last year.
But Sn .. I mean, Nemesis, how can your real parents give you a puppy if they're dead?
And I knew it was the dog, I had it killed long ago. I made your life miserable just for kicks.
Cheers
I might only be ten but at least I can read, my real parents gave me a puppy last year.
I'm sorry to disappoint you but you didn't make my life miserable. I'm doing great. My new father hits me to show how much he loves me and I must say he loves me a lot. I even get to work so I can get money for them, and when I get home at night with bleeding after working 14 hours and go to sleep in the dog house, I know they love me for it.
You didn't say if you'll come to my party next week. Please do it'll be so much fun. All my friends will be there, but it would be great if you where there too, then I could introduce you to my best friend, the rash on my knee, I call it Kneemo. I'll let you find it if you ask.
You know what? Screw forgiveness, I hate you.
Everybody needs a nemesis; keeps you sane.
Cheers
You should have gotten one sooner then.
Don't worry I know you don't mean it, you love me you big .........
You hurt the people you love.
Cheers
Actually, it's me who hurt the people you love. Sorry.
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