Imminent danger.

Chicken's latest post has given me the courage to speak my mind about something that has been troubling me forever - I have been, and still am, of the opinion that inanimate objects are conspiring against the human race in a bid to take over the world. Seriously.

I'll prove it to you.

Let's define 'inanimate' first:

Adj.

1. Appearing dead; not breathing or having no perceptible pulse; "an inanimate body"; "pulseless and dead"
2. Not endowed with life; "the inorganic world is inanimate"; "inanimate objects"; "dead stones"
3. (linguistics) Belonging to the class of nouns denoting nonliving things; "the word `car' is inanimate"

In short: not alive. Even shorter: dead. So, to sum up, inanimate objects are lifeless objects, dead objects.

Then explain the following to me:

• How can a supposedly dead object like, say, a sock, a set of keys, or in Chicken's case, the lid to a saucepan, suddenly disappear? Didn't 'inanimate' mean 'lifeless', and doesn't 'lifeless' mean that it probably won't be able to move on its own? People have been losing socks for centuries now, ever since the ancient Greeks invented them, so, we must have become more careful about where we put them when we take them off. But they're still disappearing all over the place, slowly driving mankind insane. This leads us to the conclusion that these socks and other missing objects are purposefully hiding themselves, maybe even meeting in a for us unknown location, in order to discuss their further tactics.
• Kids are always told to be careful with soap and shampoo - it stings in your eyes. But still, despite all the warnings and precautions, people get soap and shampoo in their eyes all the time. I refuse to believe that we, as a race, are foolish enough to let these hygenic products trickle into our eyes while we know about the discomfort this causes. This leaves room for only one explanation; these supposedly inanimate objects are willfully and actively trying to circumvent the defenses of our eyelids in order to infiltrate and penetrate our retina's, causing high degrees of discomfort.
• Mankind has progressed further and further into the world of technology - we can put a man on the moon and a machine on mars. Therefore, it is very difficult for me to believe that trains manage to break down every single time you are late for an appointment. I honestly believe that trains and socks meet in the middle of the night to discuss your schedule for the following day, and to scheme plans as to how to make life as miserable as possible for you.

The list goes on and on.

Today, mankind must set aside its petty differences - we must be united in our common interests, and in fighting our common enemy. We will be fighting for our honour, our pride, and, of couse, our freedom - not from tyranny, oppression or persecution .. but from annihilation; we are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win, today, tomorrow, whenever; that day will decide for us our future; that day will go down in history as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive!

Yeah!

Cheers