Shooting the shit.

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Minor epiphany - #1
Life and whores are actually pretty similar. Both suck. Difference is, life does it for free.

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Personalia - #1
I am an agnostic Jehovah's Witness. I knock on people's doors, but I'm not sure why.

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Things to do when you're bored - #1
Put a sizable amount of metal chafings in your pet's food, and when it is done eating, pull it around the living room with a giant magnet.

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The Bible - deleted scenes
Adam: Aww, come on, make me one more!
God: Dude. You're out of ribs.
Adam: Here, take my spleen then!

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Minor epiphany - #2
The other day I realised something: a fridge is actually a time machine. How else can you explain the fact that you put perishable food items in there and take them out several days later still fresh?!

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Personalia - #2
I have friends in my butt. My doctor calls them worms, but I know better.

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Things to do when you're bored - #2
Walk up to a homeless person and stike up a conversation. Buy one of those newspapers, if you have to, but make sure to engage him in friendly conversation. Then, without blinking, ask him if he knows any good places to eat.

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Personalia - #3
I have a severe, irrational phobia of midgets with red hair who wear black trenchcoats and sell kitchen utensils in back alleys behind hotels whose names start with the letter 'U'.

Believe me when I say that every day is a struggle.

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Musical Interlude
Get up.
Get on up.
Get up.
Get on up.
Stay on the scene.
Like a sex machine

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Minor epiphany - #3
If a super villian had hairy legs, he wouldn't need a cat

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Personalia - #4
Every now and again I listen to rap music, just so I can communicate in case my car breaks down in a scary part of town.

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Minor epiphany - #4
It's a well known fact that the problem with America is stupidity. Now, here's my idea - why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

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Cheers